Without stereotyping your children, we do want to emphasize the underlying principles that a misbehaving child is NOT a "bad" child, but rather a child trying to communicate something to us. In fact, when the original version of the text book for this course was written 20+ years ago, the title used to be "Redirecting Children's Misbehavior". At this point, we believe that the vast majority of the time, children are attempting to "fill their cups". The activities associated with filling those cups are: Attention, Power Struggle, Revenge, and Avoidance. Click on any one to figure out what your child's MOST COMMON behavior might be. Know though, that almost everyone displays several of these behaviors on a daily basis. Keep that in mind.
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POWER STRUGGLE |
| POWER STRUGGLE is by far the most prevalent of all the behaviors in this country and worldwide. When you think about it, we spend most of our lives (more so as adults, for sure!) struggling. We struggle with bosses, co-workers, spouses, neighbors, children, the guy in the next lane, lawnmowers, TV remote controls and a myriad of other things on a daily basis. Surely it is the primary force behind such travesties as war, poverty and many other social maladies. Below is the chart to get you started on dealing with POWER STRUGGLE with your children. I PROMISE that this interaction is a microcosm of almost all of our struggles from the above-mentioned list. Yes, even the lawnmower can be redirected... We promise that if you ENROLL NOW after five weeks of the course you will greatly reduce POWER STRUGGLE in your family life! |
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AVOIDANCE/INADEQUACY |
| AVOIDANCE, to me, is one of the saddest of the four behaviors simply because it implies giving up. It communicates the belief that "I'm not good enough". Generally, a child will first go through ATTENTION & POWER STRUGGLE before deciding on AVOIDANCE as a communication tool and then a behavior. Below is the chart for checking in on your child's feelings and some first steps on getting them out of their "I'm not good enough" blues. Side note: A child that is often sick or misses the bus, etc. may have the mistaken goal of AVOIDANCE. Now then, if you choose NOT to model the behavior we call AVOIDANCE, then ENROLL NOW. |
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REVENGE |
| REVENGE is the most insidious of the four behaviors. I have labeled it the "Bottom of the Barrel" behavior because generally it is what happens after a child tries to get their needs met using any and all of the other three behaviors. The major problem with REVENGE is that it can originate from anywhere. It can also happen over prolonged periods of time coming from thoughts of neglect, OR it can come from one particularly traumatic experience. Another inherent problem with REVENGE is that child may be "taking it out" on the original perpetrator (Mom, Dad, her mean teacher, etc.), OR she may decide to get revenge by "inexplicably" kicking the dog or worse, hurting herself. Suicide attempts used to be thought of as a belief that the person feels helpless and like life isn't worth it. More likely nowadays, the person is trying to get back at and hurt someone. Take a look at the chart below. If this resonates with you, please take action now! ENROLL NOW, or seek help from a psychologist. Remember, there's no shame in asking! |
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